I always talked about getting out of Ypsilanti once I graduated. I didn't want to be in this town anymore. Not that there was anything wrong, but I always wanted to travel and move out of the state.
I looked up jobs in different states. I was making a list of cities I wanted to visit. The future seemed so bright.
Then COVID happened.
My spirits plummeted with the job market. I planned on staying in Ypsilanti.
Pre-COIVD, I worked in events, so I lost my job just like the majority of the country. My last (and favorite) semester of college was cut short. I was no longer able to walk at my graduation (and still haven't). On top of all of this, there was obviously sadness with not being able to see my friends and family.
I didn't want to move on to the next "step" anymore, I wanted to go back. Back to pre-COVID when everything was going right for me.
Flash forward to July, my best friend of ten years asked me if I wanted to move to Grand Rapids with her.
It was the first thing that seemed exciting to me in months. I have wanted to move out to Grand Rapids for the past 6 years. I would have moved out there for school if I had a better scholarship.
I started looking at apartments. I got ecstatic with the idea.
My best friend and I set up 5 apartment showings. The day that I went out to look at them, everything seemed overwhelming. It wasn't exciting. In fact, I was very scared.
On my two hour drive home, I finally hit Norton's Flowers on Washtenaw and I finally felt at home.
That night I was set on staying in Ypsilanti with my current roommate and her boyfriend.
The next morning, my roommates made the coffee. We all hung out after work. I was so relieved that things felt normal.
That night I realized, even if I stayed, things wouldn't be the same.
I would not be living with these two girls, it would be with a couple.
I would not be in school, I would still be graduated and unemployed.
COVID would still be a threat, restaurants and bars still wouldn't be open.
I would still have to deal with change.
Truly, that is what I was scared of. But guess what. I would still have to deal with it. Whether I stayed or left, I am not in the same stage of life that I was the past two years. I am graduated and starting my career.
As I thought about it more, I realized that Ypsilanti was never my type of area. It was fun, but it is not what I want anymore.
Grand Rapids was an area I was always drawn to. Most importantly, it was a clean slate. A new challenge. A new chapter. As cheesy as it sounds it is what I was so excited about just months earlier.
I had a moment like JD in Scrubs when he decided to leave Sacred Heart. He says that he will miss all the memories, but he is so excited for the future and what could happen. I had a montage of memories playing in my head, and imagining what the next year would be like.
I decided to move because I am excited and scared for that next step, but that isn't going to happen if I don't let myself move on.
I think it is important for all of us to push ourselves right now. I think we all need to mentally take care of ourselves right now. But I hope we don't lose ourselves and our drive in all this fear.
I am so grateful to have such a strong support system who was able to snap me out of my "funk" and remind me of who I am.